Recently I was trying to communicate with someone who speaks Spanish. He knows a few English words, and I know a few Spanish words. So we used a lot of body language and facial expressions to try to convey our points to each other.

I finally asked a woman who actually speaks Spanish as a second language to help. This got me thinking about language and communication. It seemed to me that my Spanish speaking friend understood about the same as when I was trying to talk to him.

Even though the woman knew which Spanish words to say, I think the communication was still slightly off. Language is such an interesting thing.

It seems that even when we speak the same language, we miss-communicate all of the time. One person might read into the tone of another person, one person might assume that the other person talking feels a certain way because that is how we would feel if we used that kind of tone.

So how do we ever understand what someone else is hearing? Which leads me to wondering, what
exactly is communication? We can barely communicate with each other when we speak the same
language, so how do we communicate with a horse? Two completely different beings.

I think the biggest issue is that we read into what we think someone else is saying, whether it be a
person, or a horse. I think the best way to learn to communicate with horses is to learn how to listen and
observe without judgment.

How many times have you had a conversation with someone and felt that they were not listening.
Maybe they were looking at their watch, answering their cell phone, getting distracted with what’s
around them.

Or maybe they were finishing your sentences, talking over you, taking control of the
conversation, or interrupting. How often have you asked someone a question and they got really
defensive because they assumed you had something attached to your question?

How often do you talk to someone, and they stop what they are doing, look you in the eyes, and really listen to what you are saying.

If we can’t do that with each other, how do we expect to be able to listen to what our horse is telling us? Communication has so many aspects to it, one of which is our emotions that we attach to what we say or hear.

It takes a conscious effort to learn how to listen without judgment, without getting personal or emotional, and without thinking of our next response before the other person is finished.

It takes a conscious effort to listen without assuming, to really put ourselves in the other person’s shoes just for that moment, and to really listen without thinking of the 1001 things that we have to do that day.

How can we empathize without making assumptions?

The path of horsemanship that I have chosen deals a lot with mutual communication between horse and human . I’ve learned a lot about myself during this journey.

One of my biggest lessons has been learning how to just listen. I try to work on this when I am going about my daily life.

I’m not one who can have a conversation on the phone and drive at the same time. I try to just be present with the person I am talking to.

It’s amazing the subtleties that you can pick up when you practice this.
On top of learning how to communicate and listen, there is this other thing called “anthropomorphism”.

Which is defined in Webster as: an interpretation of what is not human or personal in terms of human or personal characteristics : HUMANIZATION .

In short, we humanize our horses. We’re cold, so we assume they’re cold. We’re bored, so we assume
they’re bored. And the list can go one.

We make assumptions as to what we are hearing, from people and from horses. Oftentimes, our horses
are telling us that they have no clue as to what we are saying.

But because of our assumptions and because of our inability to listen without judgment, and because of our tendency to anthropomorphize, we don’t hear them.

These are all things that we need to practice every day. Next time you have a conversation with
someone, practice just listening to them whole heartedly, resist the urge to interrupt, clear your mind,
try to empathize, don’t take what they say personally.

Then next time you are with your horse, practice the same thing.